WHAT TO DO IF YOUR PARTNER IS CONFLICT AVOIDANT DEALING WITH YOUR OWN CONFLICT AVOIDANCE

Avoiding conflict can also have negative consequences for our relationships. Small issues that go unaddressed early on can grow bigger over time. We may miss out on opportunities to better understand the people we care about.

Good conflict, the kind that is healthy, pushes us to be better as people and communities. It hijacks precious time, trust, and energy, turning allies against each other and distorting reality. This is what’s known as “high conflict,” the kind that takes on a life of its own, and eventually, leaves almost everyone worse off.

The Three Ways Conflict Avoidance Hurts Your Relationships

You have to accept that that is just an unhealthy expression of emotion. So they’re having some feeling that they’re not able to express in a direct or honest way. But if you have a little bit of compassion for that person, think about what’s actually not being said, because there’s something they don’t feel comfortable saying. And passive-aggressiveness generally comes from an avoidant stance. So the person wants to say something or express something, but is so afraid of conflict that they don’t feel comfortable doing it directly. Or they might say something in a meeting, like, yes, of course I’ll do that, and then go back to their desk and never do it.

This theory is based on the idea that people fear being judged, criticized, or rejected if they engage in conflict. Next, you can zoom in on what matters to you and to others. For example, while political opposition parties may take a position for or against higher taxes, their interests may be more similar, such as access to health care or a more stable economy. Tessina suggests people who avoid confrontation may be very hard workers (as a result of being inherent people-pleasers). In general, hardworking folks have their minds in many different places, striving to achieve the most within a short period of time or even at once.

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For example, being raised by high-conflict parents or cruel and abusive family members can at times result in developmental trauma or even post-traumatic stress disorder. Some of the many symptoms my clients face include depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and chronic feelings of guilt. In learning how to deal with a conflict avoidant https://ecosoberhouse.com/ spouse, you shouldn’t get your hopes up too high that change will happen quickly. After all, your partner may have been avoiding conflict for most of their life, so it can be difficult to change how they feel right away. When you’re avoiding conflict, you’re essentially lying about your thoughts and feelings about something.

• Maybe that means waiting until you’re out for coffee in a public place with someone, or only checking in with them once you’re home alone in your bedroom and can text them on your own terms.
• Even when people have moved onto new, more positive relationships, their learned instinct may be to avoid conflict as a means of self-preservation.
• Turning off in the face of conflict can sometimes be a part of your healing journey, Morales says.
• With the ease of cell photography, it can be tempting to reach for your phone to document the eclipse and the moments of totality, but make sure to do so safely.
• However, part of grieving is coming to terms with the fact that the relationship may lack what you truly want or need.

Conflict avoidance can damage your relationships and harm your mental health. This people-pleasing behavior can also make it difficult to set and maintain boundaries. If you aren’t sure where to how to deal with someone who avoids conflict begin, seeing a mental health counselor or a couples counselor for support may be best. It’s never too late in life to learn how to develop healthier communication skills and address conflict.

These research-backed tips can make your conflict discussions more constructive.

Read on for 18 personality traits of conflict-averse people. The degree of success of a relationship within a couple, family, workplace, or group is how effectively all parties can rupture—have disagreements—and repair their conflicts. Every relationship has disagreements, but effective conflict resolution leads both parties to feel closer to each other. Clinicians who work with these populations have found that conflict resolution skills can increase warmth, solve problems, help people feel closer to each other, and increase trust over time (Lester & Godwin, 2021). The goal of the book is I try to lay out a road map for navigating uncomfortable situations so people don’t have to feel the stress and anxiety that they often feel with conflict.

But the type of confrontation that’s required to help improve a relationship varies depending on the situation. For example, one person in the relationship may become jealous when another starts spending a lot of their time going out with co-workers instead of coming home after work. Learning how to confront someone assertively won’t happen overnight. But you can still take small steps each day toward feeling more comfortable facing your fears and speaking up for yourself. Speaking to a qualified therapist can help you learn how to better manage your negative emotions.

How to Manage Conflict

Could you lean into being a seeker sometimes and not worry so much about the relationship? But you wouldn’t want to give that up, nor likely would you give up the fact that you care so much about relationships. I mean, it’s tricky, because I do mostly focus on the negatives. And I think I try really hard to always maintain that relationship. And sometimes maybe relationships don’t need that much maintenance.

• Now what you’ll notice I didn’t point out that you’ve been to everyone else’s meetings on time, because that’s going to sound accusatory.
• The trick is to learn when this is necessary and not just avoid conflict because you are afraid of conflict.
• Being able to manage and relieve stress in the moment is the key to staying balanced, focused, and in control, no matter what challenges you face.
• It’s a strategy that helps you open your mindset to a new point of view, a new angle on what’s happening so you can think differently about it.
• Avoid being accusatory or defensive when approaching the co-worker who took all the credit for your work.